The end is near!

I'm finally getting my wish!!! It's happening!! My doctor's appointment Friday was actually semi-successful. I did not achieve what I was originally hoping for, but I made out pretty good nonetheless. I can actually say, for the first time in a few months now, I'm satisfied with the result.

I've been real bad these past few weeks. Absolutely miserable? I don't even think that can paint the picture. It's been bad. I'm beyond fed up with being pregnant. By the way, have I shown you just how large I've gotten??

...Right. So it's bad. And this was last week, at 37 weeks. I may look happy, but, thanks to my past, I'm a pro at painting a smile on my face. Besides, I know in my heart years down the road, I'm going to want to look at these pictures and remember good things. So, I try to be as optimistic as possible. I love my life, I love my baby whom I can't wait to meet, I love Mikey and our little family, I am blessed. Though I have to say, it's getting harder and harder to hold myself back and not smack my mother's hand away with a cold glare every time she lays it on my belly and goes "My God, you really are huge." Thanks for the update, Mr. Einstein. I hadn't noticed.

So...it's Friday, I'm 38 weeks and 3 days. And I'm still holding a grudge from last weeks appointment, when I was denied an exam and the necessary status update. I get in the room and I don't see a sheet on the table for me, a sign that this isn't one of "those" kinds of visits. If I don't speak up, I'll be leaving disappointed again. Something that is most definitely a characteristic of "Meagan". I would typically sit back and just deal with it. But not today. My buttons have already been pushed. Not even pushed. At this point, they've been pushed, and baby boy is now laying on all of them, holding them forever down in the "pushed" position. Nurse P asks me the usuals, "swelling? cramping? contractions? anything the doctor should know?" I rant about it all. Poor woman. She's only trying to do her job. She takes my BP and says "Ok, the doctor will be in shortly." ...Now's my chance. I bring up my concerns about the fact that it has now been 2 and a half weeks since I was last checked for dilation and effacement and I want an update. To my relief, Nurse P is very sweet, and hands me a sheet. "Of course honey, I'm sorry. I hadn't realized you haven't been given exams." Damn straight. That's how it's done. She leaves me alone to get bottom-half nekkid and I smile happily to myself and revel in my victory. =] So Doc comes in and gets down to business and the little happy dance I'm doing in my head is cut short. He announces I'm only 2cm!!! WHAT?! How can that be?? Two and a half weeks ago, I was 1cm. I've been doing everything possible to turn that 1 into a 4 or something. Something that would give Doc cause to say "Wow, look at that, you're ready to have a baby! Let's wheel you over to the hospital and pop this sucker out today!" Doc senses my disappointment. He knows I was sure today was going to be the day. He also announces that I'm 80%, which is decent, so that makes me a little happier I guess. But it's still not the answer I was hoping for. So then he starts causing this terrible pain, WTF is that? What are you doing?? He's stretching my cervix. Is that normal?! Holy cow, that hurts like a b*tch man! It's supposed to help speed things up. Well it freakin better! He takes his gloves off and looks at the calendar on the wall. "When are you due again?" "The 27th." "What are you doing this Tuesday?" "Umm...I don't know yet? Nothing? Waiting for a baby to drop out of my uterus?" "Wanna have a baby?"

DING DING DING DING!!!!

THANK YOU JESUS!!! THERE IS A GOD!!! YES!!! YES, in the name of all things that are holy, YES I most certainly do want to have a baby this Tuesday!!! I'm so overwhelmed with excitement, I almost miss his comment about wanting to get this baby out before he hits 10lbs...whoa whoa whoa...back that train up. Did he say 10lbs? He's smiling...and he sort of half laughed when saying it...is he trying to be funny? Was that some sort of sick doctor joke? Because that definitely wasn't funny. Do you see me? I mean, granted, I'm huge right now. But normally? Normally I'm not this huge. My frame is not built for a 10 pounder. My...my hole isn't going to allow for that!! Is he aware of this?? I panic, he notices, he laughs. He tells me not to worry, I'm in good hands, if baby is too big to come out naturally we may have to explore option B. Or rather, should I say option "C". Ha. Haha. Get it? Yeah, it's not really funny, I know. But what can ya do, right? At this point, I can only roll with the punches and take what's given to me. I just want him here, in my arms, healthy and happy.

So it's official. We talked a little more about what to expect when you're induced. I am to check in at Bellevue at 6am (holy early mofo!!!) They'll get me situated in Labor and Delivery, where I will be warmly greeted by the amazing staff that I've been introduced to 5 times already. They'll hook me up to the monitors. Then...DUN DUN DUN...the IV. EEEEEP!!!! Once Doc shows up he'll start me on Pitocin to start the contractions. If my water hasn't broken on it's own, he will break it, and my contractions will get worse. I'll dilate accordingly, or at least we hope, and I'll push and baby will be here.

I'm sure my first post after the fact will sound MUCH, MUCH different than what was described to me. But in the meantime, that's the game plan. That's how it's supposed to go down. So we shall see. ..

Growing progressively more miserable

Seriously, what gives?! This is just getting ridiculous. If it were possible for me to throw in the towel, I would. Unfortunately, this isn't one of those things I can just give up on. Or fortunately. I really shouldn't say like I'm mad I'm getting a baby out of the deal. I just never realized how long 9 months really is.

...And can I just ask, why the hell do they say that?? No one is ever really pregnant for only 9 months. At least not the majority of women in America. If you're one of the few lucky ones, shut up and don't talk to me. But seriously. We're pregnant for 10 months. I think we need to inform some people who are very wrong. If I were only pregnant for 9 months, I'd be holding my baby boy in my arms right now, rather than typing like a mad woman on my laptop. But no, even though I'm 9 months pregnant, the big ol "PSYCH!" card gets pulled on me and ohhhh heyyy, I gotta wait a whole 'nother month. Excuse my french but F that. This blows. And I hate when people ask me "So how far along are you?" Because what am I supposed to answer? If I say 9 months, they look at me terrified and they're like "Oh my God, should you be standing? Do you want a chair? Is he like, gonna pop out anytime now? What's your due date?" At that point, all you can do is roll your eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, technically, my due date isn't until July 27th. "Oh so you're not really 9 months then." What?? Are you retarded? Yes, I am actually 9 months. They're like "So that actually makes you 8 months, not 9." What are you people, the freakin' pregnancy nazi's? I'm pretty sure it's July, and I've been pregnant since late October/early November. I've been pregnant for 37 1/2, 38 weeks. How many weeks are in a month genius? 4. Do me a favor, divide 37 by 4. HEYYYY!!! What do you know? The pregnant lady was right! She has in fact been pregnant for as long as she says she has! Wow. Morons.

I think I'm a little on edge lately. Would you agree? I hear that's what the end is like though. Ugh. This is so sucky. I've become so miserable, and totally not meaning to, I'm making everyone else around me miserable too. I'm so terrible. I'm just so sick of being so fat and uncomfortable. I've come to the point where I end up watching the crappiest shows on tv for the sad fact that it's too hard for me to lean forward to reach the remote in order to change the channel. And forget about getting up. I can't do that on my own. I can't even dress myself without breaking a sweat and falling onto the bed.

I was looking forward to today's doctor's appointment for the past week. Last week, I went on Tuesday, I was exactly 36 weeks. The doctor gave me an exam and said I was starting to dilate, I was 1 cm. Nothing too exciting, but it's something. So I took it and ran with it. I've been trying everything. Anything I hear speeds up the process I've been trying (within reason). And all to see what would happen when I went in to this appointment, a week and a half later. See how much more I had dilated, if any. And guess what? The doc didn't even check me!!! Needless to say, I was terribly disappointed. Seriously, what the hell? Pregnant women are your job description. Shouldn't you know better than to disappoint one? She just told me, once again, that my baby is big. Fabulous. I'm going to push an enormous child out of my tiny vag. Yeah, ok. We'll see. Now I have to wait a whole 'nother week to see what happens. IF I make it that long. But let me tell you, I am DETERMINED to not make it till then. I'm too sick of being miserable. And this pain?? What is this all about?? For like 2 weeks now I've been having this terrible back and belly pain that brings me to tears. I'm so over this. I'd much rather just deal with the day or so of pain in labor and get it over with than continuing on this path of daily torture. Hmmm...maybe we need to have more sex. Yep, that's it. More sex is always the right plan. I'll keep you all posted. Wouldn't it be wonderful if tomorrow I posted "Baby's Here!!!" Yeah... =/

Enough already.

Yep, two days later. 36 weeks, 4 days now. We just missed the on ramp to Annoyed and we're headed straight for Miserableville. These days really just don't seem to end. I am beyond losing my mind. Comfort is something I haven't felt in weeks now. And the pain is unbearable. A dull lower back pain that comes and goes about every 3 minutes. Hand in hand with sporadic crampy pains in my lower belly. What the hell? If I actually thought it was labor I'd be ecstatic, but I know better. He's getting bigger, and dropping, and it could still be weeks and weeks before there's any sign of baby. So that makes me very very grumpy. Enough is enough already! My body can't take much more of this. And poor Mikey. All I did last night was bitch, bitch, bitch. And bark at him for this or that. I don't know where it came from, I'm just so at the end of my freaking rope. If I really do go all the way up to my due date, I don't know what will happen. That's still like 24 days away. Like for real?? No way. I can't do that. This baby needs to come now. I've been trying the pineapple, we've been trying sex, so far no luck. Granted I've only been trying it for like 2, 3 days now but still! I'm more the instant gratification type. Ok, I did what I was supposed to, now where's my reward? Sad part is I decided to test these theories knowing full well that's exactly what they are. Theories. There's no scientific evidence to support them, nothing to promise me that if I do that, this will happen. So I've known all along this was a shot in the dark and yet my hopes were still high. Ugh. Oh well, here's to another day. All this crap and I'm still choosing to be optimistic? Pathetic. Maybe today will be the day...